Journalnet.com;" Just when you think things are at an all-time low, and you feel like the only answer is to dive, head-first, off an Old Town building into a crater...Something happens... Something wonderful. Something magical. Something that will force you to blow milk right out of your nose. Milk blowing is way better than Prozac. When I am depressed, there is usually a warning sign telling me that total despair is about to do a one-eighty. A ninety happens in the middle. (That's when I lock up the Diet Pepsi.) Then I wait... The second hand slows to a snail's pace. The big hand and the little hand appear motionless until I want to choke the livin' bidness out of Mickey. But, I don't...I wait...Rotate with me now as I take you through three hundred and sixty degrees. The Circle of Life. About ten days or so ago, a fellow seemed bent on saying "Goodbye" to this cruel world by jumping off a downtown Pocatello roof. Fortunately, emergency personnel talked him down. It's a good thing, too, because otherwise he would have missed so very much. Take, for instance, the Squirrel Man story. The Squirrel Man's name is Jay Beasley and he lives in Idaho Falls.Idaho. He likes to rent traps from the Animal Shelter, trap little gray squirrels, cook 'em and eat 'em. He likes 'em with gravy. Jay?... Are you playing the home version of Fear Factor? If so, are you using the full deck? If not, I am concerned that you may have contracted Mad Squirrel Disease. I don't believe many guests will be joining you this Thanksgiving, whether you go with a rich, nutty Cabernet or choose a smokey Fume' Blanc.
Next, he would have missed that goofball bear, whose breath alone could have made Milwaukee famous.
Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles northeast of Seattle. That bear got into a cooler full of beer and was discovered, passed-out-cold on the campground lawn, surrounded by 36 empty cans of Rainier. That bear was hammered.
Fish and Game shrewdly realized that the bear could be a problem drinker and thought of the campground as his bar...Where everyday is Happy Hour...And "...Everybody knows your name...".Norm! Fish and Game woke Norm up and he lumbered into the woods, only to come back the next morning. (Probably looking for a Bloody Mary special.) Fish and Game was ready. They had a live-trap baited with two cans of the hair of the dog, a naugahyde bar stool and a neon sign. I reckon that nobody at Fish and Game wanted to pull that shift at The Bear Trap Bar. It was a self-serve deal. Word has it that Norm has been relocated to the Betty Ford Clinic.
Yes, sometimes the world can be a mighty cruel place. Sometimes people want to say "Goodbye" to it. Sometimes a problem can seem bigger than the world, but usually it's just a problem...And problems can be solved. If you need someone to talk to, then talk. Call a friend or call 1-800-564-2120. That way we'll all be here to enjoy the next goofy moment that is surely just around the corner. We can enjoy it together!
Next, he would have missed that goofball bear, whose breath alone could have made Milwaukee famous.
Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles northeast of Seattle. That bear got into a cooler full of beer and was discovered, passed-out-cold on the campground lawn, surrounded by 36 empty cans of Rainier. That bear was hammered.
Fish and Game shrewdly realized that the bear could be a problem drinker and thought of the campground as his bar...Where everyday is Happy Hour...And "...Everybody knows your name...".Norm! Fish and Game woke Norm up and he lumbered into the woods, only to come back the next morning. (Probably looking for a Bloody Mary special.) Fish and Game was ready. They had a live-trap baited with two cans of the hair of the dog, a naugahyde bar stool and a neon sign. I reckon that nobody at Fish and Game wanted to pull that shift at The Bear Trap Bar. It was a self-serve deal. Word has it that Norm has been relocated to the Betty Ford Clinic.
Yes, sometimes the world can be a mighty cruel place. Sometimes people want to say "Goodbye" to it. Sometimes a problem can seem bigger than the world, but usually it's just a problem...And problems can be solved. If you need someone to talk to, then talk. Call a friend or call 1-800-564-2120. That way we'll all be here to enjoy the next goofy moment that is surely just around the corner. We can enjoy it together!
Found this in the Local-paper posted it because I liked the humor and also because, it has a 1-800-number for people to call into, that are depressed or suicidal.
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